Understanding… Life, Loss and Happiness

Understanding… Life, Loss and Happiness

Understanding… Life, Loss and Happiness starts with understanding who we are, why we  and how we became this way…

punctuation-marks-quotation-marks“What am I but an accumulation of all that has come before now – the people I have met, the books I have read, the songs I have listened to, the waters I’ve swam in, the trails I have walked, movies I’ve watched, the traditions I’ve learned, the philosophers I’ve studied, the mistakes I’ve made, the violence I’ve seen, the love I’ve witnessed and so much more…”



Understanding that this is what we are… an accumulation of the experiences that we have as we walk through time and space on this journey we call life.

I remember once during a conversation, when my [now] husband said to me, ” I wish I had met you when we were younger”… As I reflected on that comment, I realized that I am not the same person I was when I was younger. Our relationship would not have been what it is today.

Life has an ebb and flow

Understanding that life is an ebb and flow of thoughts, experiences, of lessons, of love, loss, heartache and happiness, success and failure.  It all adds up. How we internalize it, how we react to it, and how we move through it, is what makes us who were are.  How we choose to view each life experience changes our out look on life as well.

For example, that person who has had a tragic event… child abuse, molestation, rape, devastating health diagnosis, death of a loved one; those are some pretty horrible things to deal with… but that person, once aware, can choose how to deal with those and the side effects,  it takes time, it takes strength.  I  know, I have been there…been through some of these things and didn’t even know the impact that any of them would have on the future me, on future relationships or my perception and interaction with life.

Side effects…

Looking back I realize that for many years I was an introvert, a loner. I had a few friends, but never really felt like I fit in, I felt different.  I felt unpopular, unloved, poor white trash.    What happens when you feel like this…  Well, for me, I grasped to be liked. I fell to peer pressure, did and accepted things that were not part of my core values, things that made me feel okay for the moment, but didn’t feel good for my heart, thought that if I did these things, with these people that they would like and accept me and that it would make everything okay… they did, and it did, for a time.

As I got a little older, I went through a process I call one up.  Looking back I can see lots of conversations where instead of listening, I had already formulated my response and was waiting… waiting to one up. It goes something like, so and so did such and such… well I did this and that… I was one up, because I thought that my experience was better in some way. My comments may not have had any bearing to the conversation, and were often unsolicited.  Oh, and there was the helping or yes phase… no matter what someone wanted or needed, I would say yes. I would even insist on helping when none was requested, or may not have even been warranted.  I look back on how overbearing I was.  But I learned, I grew and I changed.  I am still a work in progress, still changing, still dealing with old habits that come up. Now though I can recognize them, work with them and use them in better, more fulfilling ways.


It’s what makes us who we are, an accumulation of what has become before now…

Our experiences have an impact on our lives, and we can choose how to use them. We do not need to become the “victim” and make excuses or become an abuser our selves. We can choose to rise up and above and change the pattern.

Most of what I have learned is that life is a state of mind. Our thoughts, in some ways, dictate our perception of life. If I choose to look at the negative side of a situation, I may feel down, depressed, off center. If I choose to look at the positive side… well you get the idea.

Our thoughts become things…

Here is a short youtube video I found that is a good parable for this idea… If you have addition thoughts on this please share in the comments, I always love a different perspective.

Until next time…


Life is simple… Choose good thoughts!