2016 begins… A look Back
New Year’s has never really been a time for me and resolutions… I may have tried it once or twice, I might have even written them down, but I don’t think I actually kept any of them. The new year to me has become a time to reflect on how things are going… As 2016 begins it is a time to check in and take a look back.
Oh, and also test/change the smoke detector batteries… yes I am a scofflaw I don’t change them when the clocks change.
2015 was a hell of a lot of work… physically, emotionally and mentally. If you have ever been to Disney, imagine Mr. Toads wild ride, with all the sharp turns, unexpected ups and downs, a bit of panic here and there, then doors flying open and closed and a silly thing or two popping up for a quick laugh… Yes, that was my year.
Although I left 2014 with some health issues that we were trying to figure out… expecting them to be minor things from over working my body. A pulled muscle, some tendentious and so on; In all, 2014 had been a good year and with Bill turning 65, we were looking forward to a new business direction for 2015, scaling down, balancing our finances and more free time to enjoy camping and our hobbies.
Being a hands on home builder, the physical issues didn’t seem like anything I had not dealt with in the past (although this time I had no use of my left arm) and my GP did a physical in October, with a follow up in November and could not identify anything that seemed major, the most he could come up with was low levels of Vit D and tendentious. Unfortunately by the end of January I was virtually bed ridden.
In late December, I went to see a new holistic practitioner because I wanted to also balance my health and get some more detail on my muscle and tendon issues. Dr. Robin (she is actually a nurse practitioner) ran some blood tests and did some xrays to find the root of my health concerns ( I still don’t know why my GP did not suggest these). There were some questionable things in the MRI and Xray so additional blood work was done at the end of December and I was then sent to a Hematologist (oh, how I can make this sound so routine…[insert panic mode here].)
On January 20th I was given the final results… You have cancer… an incurable blood cancer called Multiple Myeloma. It had settled in my left shoulder and hip, as it was reeking havoc on my bones and immune system. Due to the bone damage, I was given parameters- you can no longer lift anything over 5 lbs, no more climbing ladders, no more walking on roofs, crawling through attics… and so on. Trust me, at this point, I did not want to do any of those… I did not even want to get out of bed. Then there was radiation treatments, chemo, more tests and … more of same…
Connect the dots… Scaling down the business, more free time… The Universe conspired… but, I thought I was on deaths door… not necessarily a bad thing for me… but, I grieved for my family.
Be Careful What You Wish For…
Bill and I are learning, sometimes the hard way, to be careful what you wish for… even it you don’t think you mean it. When I look back over the past I can see connections with what is happening and the thoughts that we had. Sometimes I wonder what the hell we were thinking… I connect the dots and bam there is the answer. An example, a couple of years ago our business was booming, we were very busy, Bill was laminating about wanting some time off and also considering a new truck…
In October of that year, he was sitting in his work truck at a stop light… literally –
BAM! He was hit by a woman who was texting and driving…the estimate was that she never hit her brakes, she impacted his truck at about 50+ mph. Her car went under the bed of his truck and folded up the frame, then bounced off the rear axle leaving her plastic bumper attached to the differential. It appears that the impact caused her car to bounce off the axle and spin around taking out the passenger rear tire, her car continued to travel across three lanes of traffic.
The damage totaled his truck and cause a subcutaneous laceration to his scalp where his head impacted his seat head rest, as well as other soft tissue damage to his neck, arm, wrist and knees. There is so much more to the story… but, Oh. Look… new truck and time off… not exactly the way you might expect it… but his thoughts become things.
The Universe will conspire on your behalf to make it so…
Bill and I equate the Universe to God, the higher power. From this perspective the Bible says several times and in different context… “Ask and you shall receive”, “Ask in prayer, believe in faith that you have received it and it will be yours” and so on.
This does not mean that you will get a Lamborghini if you just ask for one… the universe has to fit it into a higher plan. So my cancer… what is the higher plan? Taking time to reflect, meditate, pray or which ever semantic you want will bring enlightenment… Some things that come to mind, although I put things out to the universe, I was not showing up, taking the steps to make the changes to achieve the wants, wishes, goals that I put out there. My excuse… I don’t have time (yea and the universe took care of that one by putting my ass in bed for the better part of 6 months!). It not only takes belief, faith and time, you also have to show up and take the steps, meet the universe half way ( you won’t get the job if you don’t apply for it, you won’t win the Powerball unless you buy the ticket). Soooooo, the Universe took over… put this cancer in my body to force me to slow down and go in a different direction. Now I am learning to take care of me… stop totally focusing on other people ( I was a person who had very few boundries and could not say No easily). I am learning to do new things that make me smile and laugh. There and new things put in my path every day… I am learning to pay attention and see what and why they are there. The cancer… I believe that it will be cured as the lessons are learned. I will live a normal life in the near future, because I believe, I have faith and because I asked. I now just need to follow the path that is put before me, appreciate the things I have and share the love.
Looking back, I see that the Universe makes it happen, not always the way you or I would want it, but nonetheless it happens.
as 2016 begins… Looking back and also Looking Forward
In 2016, I ask the Universe for inspiration in all my endeavors, to empower me to see my direction and follow the path, and for a year full of healing miracles, not only for myself, but for anyone who asks.
My theme for this year is Health, Happiness and lots of laughter!
Until next time…
Life is simple…stay positive!
PS, Food for thought…What if you woke up tomorrow with only what you appreciated today?